Question

2012年10月，央視特別調(diào)查節(jié)目“幸福是什么”爆紅網(wǎng)絡(luò)。最近，你們班也就“幸福是什么”進(jìn)行了一次討論，學(xué)生們發(fā)表了自己的看法，他們認(rèn)為：
1．幸福來(lái)自學(xué)校生活，大家一起打球、唱歌、聊天，一起在寬敞明亮的教室里學(xué)習(xí)，老師同學(xué)們相處融洽，學(xué)習(xí)生活豐富多彩，很幸福；（6分）
2．幸福來(lái)自家里。在家里衣食無(wú)憂，父母關(guān)心他們的生活與健康，很幸福；（5分）
3．有時(shí)當(dāng)他們做錯(cuò)了事，周?chē)�的人�?huì)幫助他們改正他們感到幸福；（3分）
4．你同意同學(xué)們的看法，你認(rèn)為當(dāng)你做…．你也會(huì)感到幸福；（4分）
要求：1．第四要點(diǎn)的內(nèi)容需用三到四句話展開(kāi)合理想象，進(jìn)行適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。
2．詞90左右，開(kāi)頭與結(jié)尾已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。注意書(shū)寫(xiě)和標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)的規(guī)范使用。（2分）
Happiness is for everyone.
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When I think of these things, we realize that happiness is all around us.

Answer 1

Happiness is for everyone. We had a discussion about what happiness is in our class. Here is what our classmates think.
Happiness is from the school life. They can play basketball, sing and chat with their classmates. And they can also study knowledge in the big and bright classroom. Their teachers are friendly to them all and they get along very well. The school life is so colourful. So they feel happy.
Happiness is from family. They don’t need to worry about their food and clothes. Parents care about their life and health. So they feel happy.
When they make mistakes, people will help them correct them. So they feel happy.
I agree with my classmates. I think when I help others, I will feel happy. When I make progress in my studies, I will feel happy, too. When I think of these things, we realize that happiness is all around us.

試題分析：這篇作文要求我們以“幸福是什么”進(jìn)行一個(gè)討論，將你們班級(jí)里關(guān)于這個(gè)話題討論的情況敘述出來(lái)，并且要發(fā)表自己的看法。題目中給出了文章的大體結(jié)構(gòu)和內(nèi)容，包括同學(xué)們的觀點(diǎn)和你自己的看法。同學(xué)們的討論中主要有三點(diǎn)：一是幸福來(lái)自于學(xué)校，為什么在學(xué)校里會(huì)感覺(jué)到幸福；二是幸福來(lái)自于家里，又為什么在家里能感覺(jué)到幸福；三是當(dāng)你犯錯(cuò)的時(shí)候，會(huì)有人幫助你改正，這樣也會(huì)感到幸福。這三個(gè)方面的內(nèi)容可以分成三段來(lái)寫(xiě)，注意按照題目中給出的提綱準(zhǔn)確表達(dá)。作文的最后，要展開(kāi)想象，發(fā)表自己的看法，在做什么的時(shí)候，會(huì)感到幸福，要求我們用三到四句話表達(dá)。除注意作文的內(nèi)容之外，還需注意語(yǔ)言的流暢，表達(dá)的連貫。
【亮點(diǎn)說(shuō)明】這是一篇比較優(yōu)秀的范文。在這篇作文中，作者將班里同學(xué)們的觀點(diǎn)按照題目的要求完整的表達(dá)出來(lái)，語(yǔ)言通順，內(nèi)容完整，沒(méi)有遺漏要點(diǎn)。這一部分主要有三層意思，一是在學(xué)校里同學(xué)們感到幸福；二是從家人那里能感覺(jué)到幸福；三是有周?chē)�人的幫助，�?huì)感到幸福。最后作者發(fā)表了自己的看法，與同學(xué)們的觀點(diǎn)一致，并展開(kāi)想象，在幫助別人時(shí)，在學(xué)習(xí)進(jìn)步時(shí)，自己會(huì)感到幸福。整篇作文的表達(dá)還是比較流暢，文章中也出現(xiàn)了一些較好的句式如Here is what our classmates think.、Their teachers are friendly to them all and they get along very well、When I make progress in my studies, I will feel happy, too等。